The third year wasn't the toughest year, and wasn't the easiest one neither. We've grew up better, mature, and always being filled with thoughts of future. We had our love, we had our fights, we tasted everything we could as two, in our own world. It was beautiful. I swear it was, no matter how many times we fell hard, how often we got hurt from the fights, i still do believe, thats just a phase of knowing each other.
I don't really have idea what to write here, it has been so long since i've made a visit to this site. Tonight, i just feel like doing what i did the past few years. I can't recall how happy i was since i started to write about things happened in my life again after a long suffered years. But yeah, he got me through, he brought the old me back in track to write. But that was two years back, before i got busy with my current student life.
Anyhow, the year was very challenging. I've made a lot of mistakes. I've screwed almost everything, i guess. I wasn't as fine as i was in the past years. I think Degree has taken the positive vibes in me. Or maybe family? Or maybe only myself? I don't know. I keep on finding reason to fight, i created issue to be argued, and i took the relationship for granted. I have no time to commit with it, asking how was his day and what not, i'd always stayed up late for assignments, hang out with friends until the next morning. When i get tired, i got stressed and starting to be nagging all day without a valid reason. My bad, and i apologise for that. I know it won't be enough, but please take it into consideration. Which i know, you will, as always.
I started my day, everyday, with no "Good Morning" texts anymore because i was tired of staying up last night. I might have forgotten that i need to do that every single day. So i dressed up to college, meeting the same faces again, repeat our hang out routines (doing assignments). I went home late at evening, spent some time sleeping, and when i got up, i went out and repeat the same thing i did last night. That's just how i lived my life, up until now. I just have no choice and i have no words to explain. I don't know how to explain because i had always felt guilty for leaving him to bare with his life without my company. I have no choice.
December 7, the day i felt totally empty. I miss you. And i don't want you to know that. We had a fight the last 3 days, and we were not okay up to this point. We don't really have a good conversation as a lovebirds nowadays because we're both sinking in our hard times. We both are unable to comfort ourselves. I'm not sure how things can get better, and i'm really sad about that. I miss you, i do, i miss you too much.
I'm sorry for neglecting our relationship, i have no choice. I'm sorry for leaving a huge space that separates us from having a lovely conversation just like we used to. I'm sorry for making you jealous, it is not my intention at all. I'm sorry for not being an understanding friend, i just can't, i need you always, you know me best, don't you? I'm sorry for setting up the fights every time. I'm sorry for not having efforts to ask upon your day. I'm sorry that i nagged all day long when we fought. I'm sorry for the harsh mornings that you woke up without me. I am sorry for everything..
Thank you for accepting me for who i am.
I have nothing else to say, except for sorry and thank you.
Happy 3rd year,
Despite of all the imperfections, you're still my number one hero.
Sincerely,
Your worse buddy, not so best buddy anymore, your troublemaker and flawful girlfriend.
I love you.
